Hey hey! Soft porn with seashells!!!

Hey check it out! It's like someone has a watersports, seaweed and mollusc fantasy here!! And it's not me! The picture in the post before this one was included because I've had that watery tart up in my loo for years... then I found this picture - and well, I just included her 'cause it looks like bad soft porn... and frankly, I find alot of soft porn rather amusing.

A spot of karaoke madness anyone???

A - Z of karaoke madness at the Colmslie Hotel (my local dive - sorry, $6 million later that should read expensively renovated dive)
A - Aloha go bananas how much fun did we pissed idiots have at the pub blasting out karaoke??!!
B - Bogans - by the shedload in this pub!! We really were rockin' the suburbs!!
C - Colmslie Hotel - horrid horrid pub just 3 blocks away from our house - Very expensively renovated but still a dump! (albeit a dump with Karaoke on thursday nights now!!)
D - Dodgy moustache on the chap running the karaoke thingummyjigger
E - Entertaining as all fuckery given that half the people on stage had excessively limited talent!
F - Fountain. The one outside the pub. The one we ended up splashing around in at the end of the night
G - Great to hear Little Mister get up and do a song - niiiiice one sista!
H - Hot and sticky Queensland summer weather
I - Intoxicated boys, a big crew of them - out on a 21st or a bucks night or something who ended up being our most enthusiastic fans and made us feel very special as they crowded drunkenly around the little stage and mobbed us as we made our way back to our table.
J - Just for laughs you understand - strictly for laughs!
K - Karaoke nerds - basically what we are now. Technically.
L - Lacy tops are still all the rage in the suburbs, judging by the large number of girlies wearing them. The girls and I were frightfully out of fashion - not even Mermaidgrrrl who has been known from time to time to sport the odd spot of lace.
M - Me and Bobby McGee - gotta love belting out a Janis Joplin tune to a room full of kerschnockered bogans...
N - No pride, no dignity, no respect... ergo nothing to lose!
O - Ordinarily wouldn't be seen dead dancing around like this but hey! when in Rome...
P - Poodle Perm - bad, blonde, and fairly fluffy. Belonging to Dodgy Moustache's side kick
Q - Quickly now, grab that microphone and sing some more Whitney Houston!!! Or Celine Dion!! Or Guns and Roses!
R - Rod Stewart - SO not sexy - and boys - if you're mates tell you otherwise... they're taking the piss brutha!
S - Surprise appearances from MermaidMich, Senor Fishbits, and Mr Slippers... I LOVE it when a plan comes together. And it IS good to know my public still love me hehehe
T - Tattoo's - lots of 'em. Some on us, most of them on other people - in particular Choppha's young punker mates... bless!
U - Ubiquitous drinking of tequila and beer! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehar!!!!
V - Vicariously living through us is clearly going to take you places you never thought you would go! Colmslie Hotel - veni, vidi, vici!!!!!!!
W - Wayne the kiwi bloke - apparently thought I was a bit of orright and asked Little Mister how could he get to meet me??
X - Xtremely sad lack of gorgeous men in this place - how am I going to get laid if there's no gorgeous men around???? Fuck it, I'd settle for one with a 'great personality' .... ok, one with a pulse?? ....
Y - Yes please, I'll have another!!
Z - Zonked out from too many beers and tequilas at the end of the night.

Laughed... we nearly shat!

The Surfari Krishnas and the Fred Band @ Ric's

Last wednesday night I went to see the Surfari Krishna's and the Fred Band in 'Brokeback Mountain - the musical' at Ric's in the Valley.

I went with mr Slippers (who was playing with the Fred Band) and we met up the bodacious Mermaidgrrrl and the lovely Little Mister. I joined the girls at Fat Boys for some nachos beforehand while Mr Slippers went into sound check Ric's and hang out with Phlegm (who happened to be celebrating his birthday that day).

After the girls and I had finished munching next door, we went into Ric's where the evening began most promisingly (with beers) and watched the crowd trickle in. There were many of the usual suspects there, in fact the small, keen crowd was relatively chockablock full of local b grade celebrities, but we had decided to plunk ourselves right in front of the stage for the best view (mind you it's the only sensible choice in Ric's - if 50 people were in there, and everyone breathed out at once, the windows would break!). Anyways, Jeff Corbett was playing DJ (the beauty of it being your own place I suppose) whilst many, many people began to set up onstage (the stage in Ric's is about the size of a postage stamp) and to the credit of all involved they managed to get 7 people onstage at once! Nice work really innit?

The Surfari Krishnas were on first, and they were really good. Fred (from Sixfthick on drums, Greg from Blowhard on bass, a guy I didn't recognise on guitar and this chap looking suspiciously like the Vegas Years Elvis in cognito playing some kind of strange little gadget) Little Mister and I went outside to smoke a joint, but did not dally as the big fat surf- guitar led sound of the band was resulting in some really gorgeous music. The part of it all that had me absolutely fascinated was the great big bloke on the stage in the Elvis glasses waving and wiggling his hand over this little gadget that was making all sorts of fabulous sounds. It sounded like a Theremin but then it had all these other fantastic little effects so I wasn't really sure. Anyways this bloke was waving and wiggling away creating this really gorgeous waves of noise that just sort of floated over everything else. Worked REALLY well with the sound of everything else. Turns out that Elvis-guy's name is Greg, so I went and quizzed him about his instrument at the end of the night ... turns out it IS a theremin and Greg had a bloke down in Melbourne make it for him (having extra effects and stuff built into it rather than just the basic electronic instrument) plus he uses a pedal for extra effects too. Very fucking clever and I was completely fascinated - I want one!!! Smallest little theremin I've ever seen - it looked more like a little amp plug in than an independantly operating instrument... grooviest thing I've seen since I moved here. I must have one!!! Imagine the fun (and groovy sound effects) you could make anywhere at anytime with one of those little babies!!!!

Anyway the Surfari Krishnas did a fantastic set and I felt myself totally at peace with the sixties (for the first time in a while hehehe) and then the Fred Band took to the stage. Now I hadn't seen these guys before but they are kinda legendary in this town amongst a certain crowd (the cool valley crowd) so I must admit I was very keen to check 'em out (plus Mr Slippers was onstage and I wanted to show him support too). Rollo from Blowhard on bass, Greg from Blowhard on drums, Fred (aka Rocky Outcrop) from Sixfthick on guitar, and Coral Outcrop (I have no idea as to his real identity) on the stick with bottletops banged into it. They were joined by Junior from Harpoon on harp and Greg/the Elvis glasses dude on theremin for the night as they got stuck straight into 'Brokeback Mountain - the Musical'.

It became fairly evident straight up that this was more like being at a jam where everyone was really smashed before starting than a polished/professional gig as such, not that we minded after all it was a gorgeous night and Gregs birthday so onstage antics were certainly encouraged from the enthusiastic crowd. Rocky Outcrop did most of the talking - and fuck me can that man talk (underwater with a mouthful of marbles most likely) and they launched into the 'Brokeback Mountain' theme song - which consisted pretty much of everyone just playing absolutely flat out on their instruments while Rocky bellowed 'Brokeback mountaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain Brokeback mountaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain Brokeback mountaaaaaaaaaaaain' until he ran out of breath and they ran out of steam. hehehe and that was actually about as lucid as it got. Loads of fun, lots and lots of laughs - my favourite bit was the 'Breakfast Rap' (which went for about 40 minutes as Rocky and Greg basically ran around onstage and through the crowd practically foaming at the mouth whilst Rocky delivered a monologue from hell - thanks in part to the copious quantities of beer he'd consumed) which culminated in a repeated chant of 'yo yo yo' while the boys went ballistic into the crowd!!! Fucking hysterical actually - a mad cacophony of noise is how I remember it (Mermaidgrrrl hated it's guts!!) and as I said to Fred later - bits of it were even excellent!

Biggest problem with the Fred Band was Jeff had the sound levels turned up waaaaaaaay too fucking high... it was painfully loud - he had them set to stadium level loud ... Ric's is so small you could probably leave everything somewhere between 1 - 4 anyway but hey! What a great night!